you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
