He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
