you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
