I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
