a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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