i already hear my dad disowning me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
