i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
