im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
