let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
