You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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