He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
