I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize