I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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