I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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