come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
