I wish i was in the wii world.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
