Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
