Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
