I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize