Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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