I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
