Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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