So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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