fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
