9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
