I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
