Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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