Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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