He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.