It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
