I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.