She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.