you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs