Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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