I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
