I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
