Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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