Just fell off a train. Bad.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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