Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
