I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
