do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
