I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
