his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
