I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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