things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No subtext here. People are naked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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