Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
