I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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