i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
