some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
