I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
