And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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