I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
