yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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