I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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