Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
