Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
