i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was like eating out sand paper
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
