Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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