While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
