I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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