your thong is hanging out like whoa
i don't like sucking hair
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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