You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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