So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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