i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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