Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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