hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I AM VODKA MAN
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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