What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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