He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
